I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
