Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
