just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize