Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
