Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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