Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
