He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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