there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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