you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are two peas in an std pod
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
