never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize