3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
