in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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