So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
