i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
