Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You ruined the universe
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
