She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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