He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
