did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I want is dick and wine.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
