is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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