you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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