Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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