then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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