Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
