I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
