Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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