btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
