Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
