Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
