haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
