Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
