if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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