Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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