Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
