I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
