Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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