I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
