If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
