dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
