We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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