you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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