only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize