Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
