One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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