At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
