Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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