Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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