to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
