sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As shirtless as possible
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
