yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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