I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
