the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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