i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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