A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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