Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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