At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize