the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
