so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
