I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
