Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Randomize
