Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
