i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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