my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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