wat bout pragnant strippers??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
