Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
