Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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