Well douche your snatch and let's go!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
