ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
