can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
