i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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