Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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