they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Randomize
