I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
