I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
