McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
how does that bad decision feel?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
