So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
